
SOCIAL PROOF
THE "VACATION HAIR" GUARANTEE
Use BALM for 90 days. If your hair isn't noticeably softer, shinier, and easier to style—if your skin isn't calmer and more hydrated—return it for a full refund. We'll even cover return shipping
Why 90 days instead of 60? Because we want you to see the cumulative effects. Hair texture changes. Skin barrier restoration. Color vibrancy retention. These don't happen overnight—but they do happen.
The only risk is continuing to waste money on products that can't penetrate your mineral barrier.
PRACTICAL OBJECTIONS HANDLED
How hard is installation?
How hard is installation?
Hand-tighten onto your existing shower arm. 90 seconds. No tools.
What if my shower arm threading is weird?
What if my shower arm threading is weird?
We include adapters for European and Australian fittings. Standard U.S. is 1/2" NPT (99% of showers). If you have a truly custom setup, email us before ordering.
How often do I replace filters?
How often do I replace filters?
Every 90 days (or when you notice the "squeaky" friction returning). Replacement filters are $30. We'll send reminders, or subscribe for auto-delivery and save 15%.
Won't this reduce water pressure?
Won't this reduce water pressure?
The opposite. BALM is engineered for 2.5 GPM flow. You'll rinse faster because products aren't bonding to mineral residue.
I'm not sure about my water quality.
I'm not sure about my water quality.
First 50 buyers get a free hard water test kit ($29 value) so you can see exactly what's in your water before and after.
REMAINING INVENTORY UPDATE
118 units left at $94 for the Foundation Bundle.
After this batch sells through, the subscription price increases to $102 (showerhead only, no bonus filter).
This isn't artificial scarcity, we're genuinely testing demand before scaling production. Our "Step Zero" advertorial campaign exceeded projections by 340%, and inventory is moving faster than anticipated.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
Your journey to "vacation hair" at home starts the moment you order.
Secure your unit, choose your finish (Matte Black, Ceramic White, Modern Chrome)
Ships from our facility with tracking
Arrives at your door
Installed and filtering
The "squeaky" friction disappears, your hair rinses clean
Scalp rebalances, hair starts absorbing moisture again
Texture transformation, color vibrancy, tools work properly
You realize you're using half the conditioner and your $60 Olaplex bottle has lasted three months instead of six weeks
The Final Choice
Secure BALM now, fix Step Zero, and activate the $600+ in products you already own.
Wait until next month, continue bathing in liquid rock, watch your salon color fade to brass, and wonder why your Dyson won't hold a curl.
Rachel Morrison from Brooklyn chose The Optimizer bundle. She spent $4,300 last year on products that didn't work. Now she spends $161 on the foundation that makes everything work.
Your water isn't going to fix itself. Your landlord isn't going to install a $4,000 softener. And that $28 Olaplex isn't going to penetrate a calcium stearate barrier no matter how long you leave it in.